The last six weeks has been focused on my last semester at the Zimmerman School! I can't believe that in 10 weeks, I will be walking across the stage for my bachelor's degree. Between my professor for my promotional video class and the professor that became my mentor earlier this semester, I have multiple set opportunities coming up this semester, and that doesn't even include my set for A Dragged Path. There are so many video projects happening but I couldn't be more excited for it all!
Recently, we've been watching our projects in our classes, as we're nearing the end of week 6. From our PSAs in Promo Vid to our one minute docs in Documentary Production, I've been able to see the skill sets of other students. In doing so, my brain decides to twist the way I think, and I quite literally had a 30-minute conversation with my mentor about how I feel like I'm not as skilled as my counterparts in the Zimmerman School. When I sit here and think about my skill set compared to students in the same advanced classes as me, I feel like I don't have enough experience, and I'm not trying as hard as they are. They get to use the Vu Wall downstairs, they get to use the dollies, and have ADs and gaffers and PAs and all the cool things.
When I start to spiral, I have to sit here and remind myself about the goals I have versus the goals these students have. My goals are driven in narrative film, crafting stories and visuals around these characters and what they're going through. Who knows what goals these other students have? Maybe they want to go into video advertising, maybe photography, or even sports broadcasting. The beauty of the Zimmerman School is that you get to meet so many people who have so many aspirations for their careers. The downside to this industry, though, is the imposter syndrome. After my talk with Chris after the spiral started, I'm starting to learn that the imposter syndrome never goes away. You can only mitigate it, and try to maintain it. But it will always be with you, especially in a creative field.
I'm learning so much this semester, from lighting and promotional work, to things that producers handle. Besides what I'm learning in the world of film, my personal skills are being tested too. I need to learn to give myself grace and to recognize all the pressure I'm putting on myself. I need to learn to take a moment to step back and see everything that I'm doing. Which is a lot. I need to see the ambition I have, and see why I love film so I don't get lost in the paperwork and the doubt.
I'm doing all this one day at a time. The reflection, building myself up, and learning new skill sets. I don't know what tomorrow holds. A day may come where I will lose. But it's not today. Today, I fight. For myself and for my dream.